From Day 199 to 399
I haven’t been meticulously documenting every day’s events. For one, MI’s schedule has become more intense, with each day spent rushing to prepare the next day’s music. Additionally, I often spend hours writing, posting, and organizing, but I’ve started questioning the “purpose” of this content. Who does it actually help?
As a result, I’ve returned to quietly journaling in my notebook, steering away from public writing.
Over the past six months, I’ve focused more on exploring school, California, and practicing the guitar. The first quarter of 2024 (September to December) was about settling down. The second quarter (January to March) was dedicated to taking courses and practicing songwriting.
My foundational skills have become more solid.
Compared to other fields I’m familiar with, music emphasizes a thoughtless, intuitive flow state, letting the music pour out through the moment’s emotions. These two semesters made me realize I’m too left-brained. I often “think” while playing, which causes me to freeze up and perform poorly.
Honestly, these experiences made me question whether I’m cut out for music or if I’m forcing myself into something I’m not suited for. Even now, I still have some doubts.
Music is a deeper rabbit hole than I imagined. I can handle pop well enough, but when it comes to jazz or fusion—those intricate improv lines and details—I always feel like I fall short.
That said, another voice inside me says that it takes years for these notes to become second nature. Only then will I have enough confidence. Practically speaking, it might only take a few months to gain initial control and ease with certain pieces.
This past six months, I’ve made good use of my entrepreneurial skills. I organized a few parties, which led to new friends and collaborators. I moved to a nice place and set up a decent living environment. Toward the end of this period, this month, I started thinking about ways to make money and addressing the issue of Berklee’s tuition.
I quickly picked up n8n and developed a few small tools: a workshop creator, a Threads virtual character generator, and I helped organize the Vibe Hackathon. I also started rehearsing with a band and reflecting on why my past projects didn’t become sustainable income sources. Here’s a quick summary:
- I didn’t complete the full cycle. I stayed in the “happy development” phase, satisfied once a prototype was functional.
- I didn’t think from a business perspective or set KPI for each stage, so it became self-indulgent work.
- I didn’t persist long enough. I entered fields like crypto and AI early but lost discipline after small wins, like earning $1,000.
- On a deeper level, I didn’t grasp systems thinking. I saw points but not the lines or the bigger picture, leading to inefficient efforts.
Recently, while sprinting on work, I revamped my website. It’s now more commercial and publishing-ready, not just a blog. With this as a starting point, I hope to become a serious entrepreneur, not just someone dabbling.
Emotionally, I’ve grown a lot these past six months. I’ve interacted with friends, dated, argued, and broken up in ways different from before. I moved away from my usual directness and sometimes played a fully accommodating, reserved role. It was painful, but I learned a lot and discovered that restraint can sometimes be an effective tool for influence.
In the next six months, I’ll continue honing my skills, learning from the best, and hoping to finally produce tangible results. This will allow me to keep pursuing music with joy.
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